I often wish I could make up stories as interesting as the ones that happen in real life. Let’s just say, I can’t! I am nowhere near creative enough to make up the stories that really happen to me. (Now if only I could write them down and make some money off of them.) This is one such story, that I have waited entirely to long to share.
About 3 weeks ago, I was invited to watch Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince at Hollywood Blvd, a movie theatre where they serve food and drinks inside the theatre. (For those of you that have never experienced this, it’s terrible food and the waiters try to talk to you during the movie. Save your money.) After entering the theatre we chose a table near the screen and ordered our food and a pitcher of margaritas for the table. (No, I don’t normally drink “sissy” drinks but, there were woman at the table and that is what they wanted.)
Most of the movie passed without much fanfare. Let’s just say that I am not a Harry Potter fan and the only reason I went was because of a promise that beautiful, single nerd women would be present. (Let’s just say that only the adjective “nerd” applied to these girls. They were neither beautiful nor single.)
With but 15 to 20 minutes left in the movie things began to get interesting. A man in the front row rose from his seat and proceeded to move along the aisle, swaying violently. (Obviously, the waiter/waitress was unable to tell that he was the only one at the table drinking from the 4 pitchers of beer that the table had acquired.) Upon reaching my table our drunken friend turned, sliding past the young lady sitting next to me. He came to rest in the small place next to me and unzipped his fly. (This is all true.)
I was flabbergasted. Even during my own drunken binges in college I have always been able to make it to the bathroom on time for any urges I have. How are people able to get so drunk IN PUBLIC that you think a table where people are sitting looks exactly like a toilet? What would have happened had a small child been sitting there?
I tried to stop him. I tapped his chest and in a hushed voice so as not to interrupt the rest of the movie goers I informed him that this was not a bathroom and that the bathroom was not inside the movie theatre. This was a mistake. For upon hearing me, he turned, cock in hand, to look quizzically at me. I nearly had my first golden shower, and in a movie theatre no less. I raised my voice louder explaining that he could not pee here, but to no avail.
Luckily my pleas did not fall on deaf ears and his girlfriend/wife saved me from wearing his processed Budweiser. She grabbed him by the arm and dragged him back to their table, his dick still in hand. And, this is where the story turns sad. Moments later the group rose from the table and proceeded to leave. The mother hauling her drunken, asshole of a lover and her 7 to 8 year-old child out of the theatre. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince was ruined that night for one little fan.
WAY TO BE A ROLE MODEL TO A CHILD, DOUCHE BAG!!!
Thus, Harry Potter became a little more awesome for me and a little more depressing all at the same time. I felt bad for the child. I know that this will weigh heavily upon him, knowing that someone he looks up to could not control himself in public, and he had to miss the end of the movie because of it. I, however, now have a new story I am trying to find a way to work into a script. I hope that woman wises up and dumps the shit-head for being a fuck up.
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